RECOGNIZING PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTRESS
How To React If Your Teen Has Been Sexually Abused
RECOGNIZING PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTRESS
How To React If Your Teen Has Been Sexually Abused
Article written with Fondation Marie-Vincent
Has your child told you that they were sexually assaulted or have they told you something that has you worried?
For a parent or close friend, learning of such situations can be a big shock and can trigger feelings such as anger, sadness, fear or injustice. It is important to know that all these reactions are normal and legitimate.
Despite the shock caused by such a disclosure, it is very important that you support your teen to report the situation and find resources to help. Here’s some information to help you better understand what sexual abuse is and how to react to it.
What is sexual abuse ?
Sexual assault is any act of a sexual nature, with or without physical contact that is imposed on another person. The victim is forced to meet the needs of their assailant through coercion, implicit or explicit threats, intimidation, emotional manipulation or blackmail, the use of force or fear.
Sexual abuse is an act of violence which the victim never consents to and for which they are not responsible. It may involve penetration or attempted penetration, oral-genital contact or being forced to do any of the following: kiss, touch or masturbate someone, touch or be forced to let another person touch you, look at or watch pornographic material, take drugs or alcohol to have sexual relations.
Therefore, acts of sexual violence violate a teen’s basic human rights, damage their physical and psychological integrity, and compromise their safety.
Find out more about the different forms of sexual violenceStatistics
- 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys report having been a victim of sexual violence before the age of 18.1
- Did you know that in nearly 9 out of 10 cases, sexual assaults are committed by a person known by the young victim, such as a family member, an acquaintance, a friend or an intimate partner?2
The consequences of sexual assault on a teen’s mental health
Regardless of the form that it takes, sexual violence, even without physical contact, impacts teens in many ways.
In the short term, young victims of sexual violence may have significant emotional, psychological or physical health problems.
Teens who are victims of sexual violence are significantly more at risk of having:
- Symptoms of post-traumatic stress (nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance behaviours, hypervigilance);
- Symptoms of anxiety (fear, nervousness, hypersensitivity);
- Symptoms of depression (bad mood, negative self-assessment, trouble experiencing pleasure);
- Aggressive behaviour (disrespect, challenging, lying, theft, unjustified aggressive words and actions towards others, intimidation);
- Suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts;
- Self-mutilation behaviours (cutting, deeply scratching or burning their skin);
- Symptoms of dissociation and depersonalization (feeling of unreality or feeling disconnected from one’s body);
- Risky behaviours: substance abuse, multiple sexual partners (unplanned pregnancy, risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), high-risk pregnancy).
Young teen victims are also more likely to perform more poorly academically and to drop out of school.
These consequences often have long-term impacts and can lead to dysfunctional behaviour and significant distress in adulthood.
Learn more
How to react if your child tells you they have been sexually assaulted 🤔
A person who experiences or has experienced sexual violence may feel anxious, ashamed, angry, or sad. They may be afraid of talking about it, of being judged, of not being believed, or of being avenged by the other.
Telling someone about such a situation requires a lot of courage, so it is important for your child to feel supported and protected. For that, you can:
• Listen: openly and calmly, without judging. Give them a chance to speak freely by asking open questions. Don’t question them excessively to avoid influencing their account.
• Reassure and validate: tell them that they made the right decision by talking to you about their problems and that you are going to help them. Remind them that they are not alone.
• Believe: let them understand that you believe them. Keep in mind that, even if the situation reported is nebulous and hard to understand, your child needs to feel that you believe them.
• Remove the guilt: place the responsibility on the perpetrator. Your child is not guilty, and it’s important to have them understand this.
For example, avoid words such as: “You could have avoided it” – “Maybe your behaviour provoked it” – “If you had worn a different outfit, it wouldn’t have happened”.
Tell them that it was not their doing.
• Validate their emotions: don’t downplay the situation. For example, avoid saying: “It’s not that bad” – “It’s nothing, you’ll get over it soon”.
• Make a report: as a parent, you are required to report the situation to the Director of Child Protective Services (DPJ). This is true as well for anyone, whether they are a professional working with children, an employee in the health and social services network, a teacher, a childcare worker or a member of law enforcement.
👉 You can report the situation by contacting Child Protective Services in your area, available 24/7. The identity of the person filing the report is confidential. For help, read the document Faire un signalement au DPJ, c’est déjà protéger un enfant (Making a report to child protection services means you’re already protecting the child).
👀 Note that it is not necessary to be certain or to have proof to report a situation.
👉 It is also possible to file a complaint with the police. There is no time limit for doing this.
Some resources to help for your teenager sexually abused
Has your teen experienced sexual violence? You are not alone. Here’s a list of resources that can help you:
• Directory of resources for parents by Fondation Marie-Vincent
• Canadian Centre for Child protection:
– Reporting a situation involving online sexual abuse
– Getting help to remove an intimate image being spread online
• The Clique sur toi brochure for the prevention of sexual violence against youth
NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL?
Speak with a Tel-Jeunes worker: it’s anonymous, free and accessible 24/7
Sources
1Hébert, M., Tourigny, M., Cyr, M., McDuff, P. et Joly, J. (2009). Prevalence of childhood sexual abuse and timing of disclosure in a representative sample of adults from Quebec. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 54(9), 631-636. doi: 10.1177/070674370905400908
2 Prevalence of Sexual Abuse Among Children and Youth, Institut National de Santé Publique au Québec (INSPQ)
With our partner
The Fondation Marie-Vincent supports children and teens who are victims of violence by offering them the services they need – all in one location. It helps prevent sexual violence by focusing on education and awareness, and by helping children with problematic sexual behaviours.